Following many many requests....(Well in my head anyway)...I have found the complaint letters 'referred' to in the Horsing Around post.
The somewhat surreal, short sighted Mr Bewildered and his constant battle with the complaints department, of an on-line catalogue company, who he feels are sending him poorly described products!
He is currently teetering on the edge of a Sherry addiction and is oblivious and ignorant to the fact that, his long suffering Valium induced wife Muriel, is quite possibly having an affair with the local GP (doctor)
**He does waffle on and has a habit of going off on a tangent before he gets to the point of the complaint; so I will post a page at the time to spare you the pain.
To.Whom it may concern
Complaints Dept.
I Cant Believe It Works Ltd
Po Box IOU-ZERO
Europe 5th June 2011
Re: Fan Assisted Tumble Dryer and Grill
Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing to convey my dissatisfaction of one of your products I purchased not 24 hr earlier.
With the knowledge that my dear wife Muriels birthday was fast approaching I decided that I should invest in a suitable gift, that may assist her with her daily chores.
I must point out Muriel is not as sprightly as she once was and is currently on medication, for something that our GP Dr Suave diagnosed as, 'Domestic Stress Disorder'
Unfortunately, I am not privy to the contents of Medical Journals and their like, but to summarise the contents of her personal letters, from Dr Suave, I am led to deduce it is a condition brought on by an Irritable Spouse.
Further reading indicates that this Spouse thing, is a thick and mainly dormant membrane,which I believe is connected, in some shape or form, to her bowels; as I do note a comment relating to it causing a regular 'Pain in the Backside!' when inflamed.
But I digress Sir..
Taking into account Muriels ailing health and the increase in my workload around the house. Where I may add I am not far short of becoming a full time carer for her. Indeed only last week I recorded 7 separate occasions where my requests for some sustenance, be it food or indeed drink, were met with a sharp retort of 'Do it your bloody self!"
The sheer venom in Muriel's once angelic voice, is testament alone to the severe pain she must be experiencing from this irritable spouse.
I have I may add, out of common decency, NOT included the actual expletives used by my dear wife in her moments of agony. But I would be inclined to conclude that side effects from her medication, may be causing a bout of temporary Tourettes Syndrome.
This was to be expected, as I do recall on reading Dr Suave's follow up letters to Muriel, he states quite boldly, that, and I quote, "I am surprised that you haven't told the useless lump to F**k Off, on many an occasion."
I too am surprised, but I am comforted by the resilience shown by Muriel, whilst fighting this condition. ......
To be continued...later this week.....'at last'
No comments:
Post a Comment